India epilogue;
It’s now been almost a week since I returned from my India trip, things have slowly become clearer on what I learned and possibly how I am evolving.
My mind is much quieter now, the committee of assholes which used to plague my brain every moment of every day has now stopped arguing as much as they did. The cause which seemed so hard to find in the past now stands before me; Conflict.
Not armed conflict, political conflict or any external conflict, but the actual conflict I would put myself through on the most menial of matters. My mind can run rampant dissecting every detail of anything that seems not congruent with what I believe. And while I have been able to declare self indulgent victory inside my own head believing I was right it always came at a cost. I became more withdrawn, argumentative externally and rarely listened.
Please understand I do not write this as some sort of metaphor to cure all evils we face in ourselves, this is simply reflective of a change in me.
Last night anxiousness started to come over me as it had in the past. I was about to repeat past patterns by flicking on the TV and look for the easiest distraction I could, numb my brain and numb my soul. Instead I decided to sit and listen to music. I simply took time to reflect, to be in the moment and feel.
The intensity of the moment shifted as I looked back at those moments in India where I saw unbelievable poverty surrounded by smiles, What should have been despair was not, it was acceptance. Not acceptance of this is all we have, but a connection you could feel.
Living as they do materialy in India is not the answer, but perhaps living as they do spiritually is. All I know is that a change continues inside me a change I don’t want to stop.
One song that hit me last night was this old Joni Mitchell classic, I hope you listen and enjoy.
