Sometimes I feel the walls of my life closing in around me, I suffocate in my own deficiencies.
In the last year I have experienced the incredible highs of spiritual euphoria, only to fall back from grace and tumble to my own mediocrity of negative thought and response. I wonder how many others live this way, where competing voices inside our heads run rampant and look for ways to sabotage sanctity of stillness and clear thought.
I have struggled over the past few weeks, looking for ways to achieve those high spiritual plains I have lived at for just a few tantalizing moments in the past. I have wanted to recapture that ecstasy that is there inside me waiting for release.
Tonight as I lay in bed in a despondent state of anger, fear and loathing perhaps the heavens heard my internal cry. A dear friend from India reached out when he felt me struggling. His name is Uma Ji, he is a Monk.
His words were simple and comforting, his lessons I have heard before from others. I think the difference this time is that I experienced unconditional love in the delivery.
Most of what he did was listen, then walk emotionally with me through the minefield of my brain. I came away with peace and yes some clarity.
It made me realize too about myself that often when I see someone in trouble I just jump in and offer solutions. Or if I don’t have the answer I just avoid doing anything at all.
Perhaps my desire is all of our desire, to simply be heard by those who care. It is only then that we don’t feel alone and in that feel that we are good enough. That we ourselves can find the answer and own it.
I often close off by quoting someone else, however tonight feels a little more personal, so I will try and share something of my own.
“I am the author of my own destiny, I will be bold, brave and courageous and I will write the greatest story ever told”
Namaste my friends..
