She is gone – and I didn’t get to say good bye.
I lost a friend this week, a friend I never shook the hand of – a friend I never shared a coffee with – a friend I never met face to face but – she was always there.
Caryn O’Connor took her own life on Wednesday. Her brother says she suffered depression much of her life – in reading her thoughts as I did often you can see the torture she bore. I do not minimize physical torture but sometimes we can’t see in people what they see and feel what is captured too deep in their souls. While they can laugh, they carry that extra empathy that most us forget or push away. They hurt more for the oppressed than we allow ourselves and most of them I believe are like Caryn – and have a heart so large it bursts at the seams trying to contain the tears she couldn’t shed fast enough.
She wrote often on how we as humans just don’t care enough, how we discount the very basis of what makes us good – love.
She wrote for me on the day she took her own life and said “My heart often cries out – and at those moments my soul just screams. We are better and we can do better. I don’t for a minute believe a baby, or soul, or being seeks pain. My heart is breaking – and I appreciate you for renewing my faith that words should be used kindly.”
Tonight I am broken – I didn’t say good bye – I couldn’t soothe the pain of this dear friend.
I take heed tonight – and my promise to Caryn O’Connor is do better – love more and use words kindly.
I miss you already – I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you
