Why oh Why?
I wish I could tell you that I awoke this morning filled with a renewed energy from my first Yoga class – like an Angel swooped down from the heaven and kissed the top of my head lifting me from bed ready to take on a new day.
But truth is, as I struggled to roll out of bed, every muscle in my body was screaming at me “how dare you”. Yes many of you submitted kind words on yesterday’s post extolling the virtues and future pleasure I would have from doing Yoga, today I am planning on your demise in some evil painful way.
I should have known the danger before I started – that $25 Nylon strap used to carry my Yoga mat, has no directions. I went online to Lulu Lemon – it showed the product in all its glory, but nothing on how to use it. The only mention was it was designed by a Nasa Engineer.
I Googled Nasa Engineer, seems the average IQ of one is 150 – which means two of me combined would not be smart enough to work it out. I wondered if I could make a noose from it and hang myself.
The class was in a small room on the top floor of a 100 year old building, which meant I couldn’t tell if it was the floors creaking or my body as I attempted the various movements. Some were hard others impossible and each time I reached for the heavens with one hand while touching the floor with the other, I wondered if this would be it, if this would be the way I go, and it would create a salacious headline “Old man dies while in downward dog” – my picture attached with name emblazoned on the bottom and people would assume I committed some horrid act against an animal.
But I decided right there and then I will go on – if for nothing else but to have the final revenge. My plan is become flexible enough that when I die I can be folded like an old accordion and stuffed into a small box – face looking up with a shocked expression.
I of course will make it an open box ceremony and invite all you to attend.
Marina wants to do 2 classes per week – I have come to believe she hates me, and somehow this will be part of a devious revenge plot.
Wish me well – perhaps if you are out have a piece of cake for me and remember me kindly…