I used to believe I was a pretty big deal. I had achieved fame and a level of power that allowed me access to people I considered important. As a broadcast journalist, I was recognized and admired. It was seducing, and I became swept up in all things that were me and no-one else.
Then suddenly it all ended when I was diagnosed with a deadly disease.
My awakening happened the night my doctor told me I had throat cancer, my daughter told me she didn’t care if I lived or died, and I didn’t blame her.
Suddenly isolated in a world that only contained my imminent death I realized the kind of man I had become was exactly the kind of man I would not want to be near.
Surgeries, Chemotherapy, and radiation were painful but paled in comparison to the internal savagery of my own mind, as I started on the journey to heal myself and salvage my soul. To do that, I had to change just about everything I believed in. I traveled around the world looking for answers and trying to find out who I was. But the global exploration wasn’t as intense as the internal journey that led me back through the darkness and then eventually into a place of reconciliation.
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No Longer Little
“Things are better,” I told myself. “But are they?” I wondered. It would seem sleep can never wipe away the bad questions from yesterday, so as I rose from my slumber today it felt like I hadn’t slept at all. My body ached from past defeats, and my soul wanted to crawl back under theRead more
The Best Me
There is elegance eventually – to internal investigation – the path is a glorious blood bath of past inadequacies but the other side is like the aftermath of a rain storm – everything dirty has been washed away and the earth spouts with fresh blooms and new beginnings. I have found the path never ends,Read more
Waiting for the Truth
Dear Robert I have come to find there is never a good time to say goodbye – perhaps because words can never describe the feeling of what it means to never see someone again. I know you forgive my mad ramblings and strange wanderings – so I will share with you since you have askedRead more
Yoga Part III
Class 3 Yoga Or I’m Not Gumby Dammit ~ It would seem as a middle aged man, slightly overweight and somewhat opinionated I should have this Yoga thing down pat by now – but I am here to say I do not – yet. Last night was class 3, and I am now getting theRead more
You are truly a Master of words, my dear friend - but not just words - you are a master of human emotion and of laying down words that touch every single angle of human emotion and of life itself. You are truly a blessing to all who have the absolute privilege of experiencing those words.
We all need someone to fan the embers when our flame goes out. Just as you’ve done for so many of us, so often. A wonderful writer. Thank you! ((hugs))
Oh friend, my jaw was clenched reading this, fearful and upset and then out came the most beautiful smile. A masterpiece, another one! Emotion held and released. Just gorgeous writing.
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